I'VE MISSED MAKING FUN OF DEREK ROY

So, as you can tell, I (meaning we, of course) moved back. Well, technically *I* never moved, I just moved SC. But you get the gist.

This summer has been pretty crummy by Buffalo standards thus far, hasn't it? I mean, weather-wise. Well, my summer hasn't been exactly crummy, just laid-back. Which is alright. A couple concerts here and there, some fireworks, some shopping, a lot of lunch dates, and the usual work. Throw in the wedding of one of my very good friends, a few barbecues and a couple parties, and you've got my summer.

Anyways, I feel like I'm at the point in the season where my missing hockey has hit its peak. Don't get me wrong; I've missed it a lot all along, but I think I'm starting to miss it most right now. Probably, in large part, because I'm starting to integrate the schedules into my life, map them out, and decide what home games of the Sabres I absolutely must go to, what ones I would like to go to, what road games are potentially on the radar, and, of course, I want to make a trip to Chicago this year as well. (I started drafting this post almost a month ago, and since then have planned my trip to Chicago! I'm spending my 21st Birthday with the Blackhawks! Anyways...) It doesn't hurt that all I talk about (still) is hockey, and I've seen enough of Patrick Kane to (almost) get my hockey player (in the Blackhawks sense, at least) fix this summer. Although, I still haven't seen any Sabres of particular interest.

Wait, that's a lie.

As I mentioned, my friend got married in June. I did see Derek on my drive to the wedding. His car isn't hard to miss, even if we were driving in opposite directions on the 190 along the Niagara River.

That's about it, though, besides a Craigory sighting here and there. Pat Kaleta did follow Clare and I around the parking lot at the Galleria the other day, and I almost ran over Adam Mair while Patty was following me. I've never seen anyone walk more slowly across a parking lot before. No others, unfortunately.

But while I'm telling you about my summer, and how I saw our favorite chunky monkey, let's take a look at what he has been up to this summer, shall we?

Oh! We shall! (I should tell you that some crazy, crazy girl sent these lovely pictures to me, claiming to be Derek's girlfriend. She also asked me to ask him why it is that he never returns his calls... Could it be because you steal private(?) pictures of himself and his friends and family off of their Facebook accounts? Hahaa... Actually, a lovely, lovely friend did the detective work, and I owe her my life! But, as usual, I don't reveal my sources, like any good reporter.)

First, a while back, Derek did one of those Q&A's on the Sabres website, and in it said that he spends a good part of his summer at his new lake house, up in Muskoka. (Don't mind me: Dearest Derek, Honey, please, just let me marry you, if only to act as your beard. Your house is beautiful. I don't even need to live in the "cottage;" just give me the keys to the boat house and I'll be just fine. Love always, Cari.)

And so, without further ado (and I'll let the pictures speak for themselves)...

(Oh, and I wasn't lying when I referred to him as my favorite chunky monkey...)













So these are mostly of Derek, his brother, and Kyle... Actually, I can't remember if Kyle is in these pictures... I can't look at them while I'm writing, and I'm too lazy to go to my desktop and figure out which had them in them. Oh, wait, he is in at least one of them...

Anyways, now that school starts for me on Wednesday, and my schedule is comprised completely of internet courses this semester, I'm going to be spending A LOT of time on my MacBook, so I think it would be safe to assume that SC will be updated quite frequently, if nothing else but to serve as a distraction and means of procrastination. Yesss, my favorite things!!

Now I will bid you adieu, and hope that either your last couple days of Summer Vacation or one of your first few days back to school are just peachy.



Oh, Derek says "bye" too! xoxo

NEVER AGAIN WILL YOU HEAR ME SAY THIS.

First of all, those games blew. EPIC FAILURE ON BOTH NIGHTS. I don't have anything to say, except to paraphrase Lindy, about either game:

They played part of the game. PART. Unless you show up for an entire 60 minutes, you cannot, I REPEAT, CANNOT expect to win games. The guys played great decent enough through the first 40 tonight, and if they would've just played simple hockey, and stayed tight defensively and kept the pressure on, they would've come out with a win. BUT NO!!! They just had to go and take penalties and be all cutesy.

EPIC. FAIL. GROSS.

So, anyways, allow me to get to the point.

YOU WILL PROBABLY NEVER AGAIN HEAR/SEE ME SAY/WRITE THIS, BUT DEREK ROY NEEDS TO BE BENCHED.

Please, Lindy, I'm begging you. Bench him. And bench him now. Last year, Derek was feisty, productive, and on his way to becoming a bit of a pest to the opposing teams. This year? Well, let's just say Dreck hasn't impressed me much. At all.

So Dreck? Either step it up IMMEDIATELY, or I'm going to wish that the third jersey I'm awaiting so anxiously didn't have your name on it. And as mad as I am at you--which is a lot--you'd best not be benched on Friday, because then I'll have wasted a day's pay to see you play. SO DON'T MESS THIS ONE UP.



I'm so incredibly mad at you.

AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU'RE SORRY. DON'T BE SORRY. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yeah, that's it. Go pout. Go cry on Kyle's shoulder. I don't want to hear it.

I actually don't want to hear it from any of the Sabres.

Yeah, that's right Drew. I'm a mouse potato telling you how to play the game. DEAL WITH IT.

I hope Lindy makes you do an hour's worth of suicides tomorrow.



Okay, I'm really not that mad at them; I just tend to have a flair for the dramatic. I am very upset and disappointed, though. They really need to step it up...

KYLE, GO GET DEREK. And who are these Sabres?

Okay, so I'm totally excited about the win last night.  Like, completely.  But I'll talk about that later since it's Cari + Derek = Fate time.  And since I couldn't really get over the shock that my question was picked last week, and being exhausted from exploring Boston, I didn't really have the time to post about it last week in detail, but this week I do!!  That is, if I don't cram some more for my anatomy exam...

OH, BUT WAIT:  HE'S OVERSLEPT.  Story of my life.  (Derek, get your ass out of bed and call Kiss 98.5 right now...  Nick and Janet are contemplating calling "Derek's best friend" Kyle to wake him up...  HAHAHAHAHAHA Kyle.)

And lovelies?  I apologize for how ADD-ish this post is...  I'm half paying attention to what I'm writing, and half concentrating on the radio to see hear Derek...  Because what would a post of mine on Thursday be without the Derek Roy Report?  Just another post.  And frankly, I think my Thursday posts are absolutely ridiculous, and I love being absolutely ridiculous.

Alright, so maybe I will discuss the game for a bit...

WTF was up with that game, though, honestly?  ADAM SCORES, TIMMMAAY SCORES, AND HANK SCORES??!!  AND PETEY FIGHTS...  TWICE IN 12:01?????

Um, can this happen every night?  But switch up the scorers every once in a while so Derek and the rest have a job in blue and gold come September 2009?  Adam's seemed to excel this year, a little bit.  He's now got 4 points (3-1) in 15 games, when his career highs were in 2003-04, with 6-14 for 20 points.  Yeah, I think he'll have no problem hitting those marks if the team keeps in up.  And Timmy???  6 points in 5 games?  Okay.  Just, stay out of Keith Tkachuk's way, alright??  AND HANK!!!  ily...  I really do.  You're just too cute with your little celebratory shimmy and your gigantic grin while you really punched every guy on the bench, and then this:

"That's the first time I ever got the first star, I just have to enjoy it right now."

And Petey?  You're equally as adorable because of this:

"If we're going by points it's not fair because I'm never going to get [a pigeon]."

Well now you've got one.  =]

Moving on.  Really, though, I told my dad when it was 3-0 that I'd be okay with St. Louis scoring IF AND ONLY IF it were Jay McKee that buried the biscuit.  But when Perron scored, I actually yelled at the TV, saying, "You're not Jay!  I didn't say you could fuck with Miller's goals against!!"  Ohhh, what fun.

OOOH let's talk about Timmy for a bit.  Did anyone else feel like saying "KEITH TKACHUK JUST DESTROYED TIM CONNOLLY????"  I thought it warranted it, at least.  If Tim had been hit like that last year, I honestly believe in my heart that he would have been on the ice for a good 10 minutes, motionless.  BUT THIS JUST PROVES THAT THE REAL TIM CONNOLLY IS NOT PLAYING THIS YEAR.  Because there is no way in hell that Tim bounced up off the ice like that and kept playing.  And the coaches realized they effed up because he left the game not much longer than that.  NOTICE IT???  Yes you did.  DON'T LIE.  You're only fooling yourself.  Jill knows my theory that Marek Zagrapan is filling in for TC, but I'm not so sure about that anymore, because Marek is pretty much adorable in person, and Tim is kinda repulsive, actually...  I'm not too sure who's filling in for him anymore...

And now Derek is 15 minutes late.  I don't think he's going to be calling Janet and Nick, but I don't want to leave my radio in case he does...  I'm pretty much disappointed in him, kinda like someone would be upset if their boyfriend didn't pick her up for their date, and they only get to go out once a week.  OH, WAIT, because I feel like the Derek Roy Report is like my weekly date with Derek.  Yeah, I know, I'm delusional, but I live with it alright, so I guess you can too.

During the game I kept voting for the All-Star game, which took forever.  There's too much traffic on too low of a bandwidth for that to go smoothly.  A webpage that would take about a second to load on my computer took 5 mintues.  So then I discovered the text message voting.  All you have to do is send the player's last name to 81812.  Standard rates apply.  AND I HAVE UNLIMITED, so you know that I'm going to be voting allllll day long.  I believe you get a confirmation text after every 10 votes.  (But if you send "Roy," you get a response that says "2 or more players match that name.  Reply 1 for Andre Roy, 2 for Derek Roy."  Well, duh, who do you think I want??  Stupid phone.)  But I got really annoyed when Derek cranked one off the post last night because I had just hit vote on my ballot.  I really said this, too:  "Derek, you idiot, I spend all night voting for you and that's what you give me?!?!?!"

Derek's turning out to be a terrible Sabres Boyfriend...  Kyle aside.

And I really think that maybe he's not going to be on the radio today.  Kinda upsetting because I set my alarm for 7:30 to ensure that I was going to have an acceptable attention span.  So I got up early for nothing.  THANKS, DEREK.  THANKS A LOT.

Well, he's now 45 minutes late, so I'm giving up.  Stupid Royzie.