Monday, December 8

OH, LIFE.

So Saturday night was pretty much awesome.. That is, until about 2 am, at which point Lucas and Jay decided to argue about which anatomical area on the male body fosters more bacteria: The groin, or the hands. And then they were arguing about when they should wash their hands--before or after they use the bathroom. WAY TO KILL A FABULOUS MOOD. They pretty much ruined the party. Oh well.

And then, I was planning on driving home, but since, in that particular area of Amherst we were in, you couldn't see out the front window of their house, I spent the night at Britt's, since she lives two minutes from there, and myself 15.

So yesterday morning, I found myself comfy in B's bed, trying to post from my phone. Alas, since Verizon has what I am sure is the worst mobile internet around, I had written my entire post, and THEN IT WOULDN'T LET ME. And I was too frustrated and tired and hung-over to write it again once I had come home.

But anyways, it mostly consisted of something like this (I'm going purely from memory, here, kids. Bear with me.):

WTF, SABRES. WTF.

See, now, I'm think I'm an extremely devoted person, when I want to be. So when I take the time to be devoted to a flailing hockey team, YOU TAKE IT.

I almost abandoned you, though. See, my 16-year-old cousin Trevor plays hockey for his high school. I almost took up cheering for his team full time instead of you, Sabres. Because his team is actually good. And he's my cousin, so I have to like his hockey team. But Sabres? You're making me want to like his team.

THAT IS, UNTIL I DECIDED TO BREAK UP WITH PRINCESS D, AND NOT PAY TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO YOUR GAME, AND INSTEAD GET DRUNK. THEN YOU DECIDE TO WIN.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

But I'm glad you won. And I'm glad Derek scored. We're broken up until further notice. But just so you know, D, I want you back.

Just to prove that we do, in fact, belong together: At the party we were playing Fuck the Dealer. Now, the first deck of cards that Tom grabbed from somewhere in the house was a deck Luke had received when he went to Aces and Blades a couple years ago. I had never played this game before, so when my turn came around, I had no strategy, or anything. I just picked a number--8--and who was on that card, a winning card, mind you? DEREK ROY. FATE-TASTIC, FOR REALS.

But anyways, I don't really have much to say in the way of hockey. Nothing's really happened.

Oh... Wait. My Pirates.

So I'm sad that Marky Mark's stay in Buffalo has ended. Lindy really didn't utilize him correctly, but whatever. Moving on. GERBE DERBY!!! AHHHHHHHH. Enough said.

And my poor Mikey Funk... Remember how he had a concussion during camp, that he suffered on, like, the first day? Yeah, well when Kim and I were up in Portland for a game, it just so happened to be my love's first game back from the head injury. So Saturday night, who gets absolutely obliterated from behind into the boards? MIKE FUNK. Who has another concussion as a result? MIKE FUNK.


I'M SERIOUSLY GOING TO KILL ANSSI SALMELA IF I EVER SEE HIM ON THE STREETS. UGH.

I swear to God, if he becomes the next Tim Connolly/Brett Lindros/Pat LaFontaine in regards to bruised brains, I'LL SERIOUSLY CRY, because I love him.

Okay then. Now that I got that out of my system... I baked cookies last night for a friend, and then I made some special ones for Kim and myself, for our little soiree this evening.

If I could send cookies (the edible kind) through the internet, I'd have a big platter full of them for you all. But, since I can't do that, here's something sweet instead:

BACKGROUND INFO IS NECESSARY, THOUGH. Remember that picture that caused quite a ruckus in these parts recently?? Well, remember how we thought that it was one Clarke MacArthur that was grabbing the junk of one Derek Roy??

WELL IT WASN'T THE GENERAL, AND I HAVE THE PROOF.

Here's a snipet of the picture in question:


Notice the man on the left--supposedly Clarke MacArthur. Notice the writing on D's shirt. Also, notice the man to the right's striped green shirt.

Now take a look at this picture, which I got off of another Facebook account:


HMMM... RECOGNIZE ANYONE??

The guy in the green Fox track jacket and the green Von Dutch hat would be D's younger brother, Scott. Hmm, that other green shirt looks awfully familiar, doesn't it? And the guy next to Derek--supposedly Sparky--doesn't appear to look like Sparky at all, actually.

So there you have it, folks. Derek's sexuality status is still in limbo, but as far as I'm concerned, the second coming of the Man-Child is straight, and as innocent as can be.

LET'S GO BUFFALO!!!

9 comments:

Jill said...

Oh thank goodness its not Clarky...

Cari said...

Oh thank goodness its not Clarky...

OMGAH Right???? I was looking through my pictures yesterday because I wanted to change my desktop to anything but Derek rolling around on the sidewalk, and I saw that one, and I'm like, "WAIT A MINUTE THAT GUY IN THE GREEN SHIRT WAS IN THE PICTURE OF DEREK'S JUNK BEING GRABBED!!!" My mom was like, "What the hell are you talking about??" It was hilarious.

frostee said...

haha i was so worried that clarke had been poisoned by tim connolly (PAUL! you are supposed to keep timmy AWAY from the man-children!). what a relief.

Cari said...

what a relief.

ISN'T IT, THOUGH?? I was so excited for Clarke's dignity when I realized it.

Shelby Rose said...

Derek's brother looks nothing like him at all, WOW.

Oh, and I'm glad to read that Clarkie was not the culprit. (I never thought it was, anyways).

Cari said...

Derek's brother looks nothing like him at all, WOW.

Actually, in other pictures, he does. But, on second thought, was that remark supposed to be sarcastic?? Because I'm extremely sarcastic, but it always gets lost in translation when you write it down. Shame.

Oh, and I'm glad to read that Clarkie was not the culprit. (I never thought it was, anyways).

I never thought it was, either, to be honest with you. If Clarke was going to grab Derek's junk, why would he do it out in public when he could do it ON A DAILY BASIS in the locker room? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Shelby Rose said...

But, on second thought, was that remark supposed to be sarcastic??

No, I actually don't think his brother looks anything like him, hahaha.

If Clarke was going to grab Derek's junk, why would he do it out in public when he could do it ON A DAILY BASIS in the locker room?

It could be like...a pregame thing for Clarkie. "Derek, I have to grab your nuts for good luck!" "Okay!"

Cari said...

It could be like...a pregame thing for Clarkie. "Derek, I have to grab your nuts for good luck!" "Okay!"

OH GOD SHELBY!!! That's mortifying. I'll send you some pics of D and his little bro to show you. They actually do resemble each other, but you need to see them the right way. I think Scott looks more like the eldest Roy brother, Robert-John, though.

Jill said...

I want to not know about any nut grabbing pre-game superstitions... LMAO!